Heidi Klum Is Way Too Fat to Be a Model

So says plastic-faced German fashion designer Wolfgang Joop, anyway. Yes, someone named Wolfgang Joop has criticized someone else for something. Heidi's reps say that the designer is just trying to ride her coattails. More »

Salma Hayek's Breasts Designated As New U.N. Ambassadors To Starving Children

Though her stint on 30 Rock has been drubbed throughout the blogosphere, Salma Hayek's campaign to win over television viewers has just taken a startling new turn: breastfeeding strangers on camera. More »

Salma Hayek: 28th & Park

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] Jan. 16 @ 1pm Salma Hayek looking amazing walking by herself into an office building. Lots of pap shmears outside taking photos.

Breaking: Celebrities Smoke!

The mainstream media (led by one overzealous blogger in particular) has just now realized that stars smoke cigarettes—witness this NY Daily News trend piece today! So why should we care about this incredibly obvious fact?

Helen Mirren, Nazi Huntress

· Helen Mirren will trade in her two-piece for a gun in The Debt, a remake of an Israeli hit about a Mossad agent who comes out of retirement to track down a war criminal. [Variety] More »

Hollywood Privacywatch: Has Courtney Love Finally Been Domesticated?

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our millions of Defamer operatives. We'd like to remind you that this feature is powered by you, so if you want to see more installments of PrivacyWatch, then all you've got to do is to send us your sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Courtney Love pawing through Benjamin Moore paint samples in Santa Monica. More »

The Top 10 Female Product Advertising Icons & The Actresses Who Could Replace Them

From Tony The Tiger to the Michelin Man, every pop culture kid is exposed to product advertising mascots and icons. Most of these critters are male, but sometimes — especially with baking and food products — the icons are female. Or were female. An image of "Betty Crocker" used to be on boxes of cake mix; now her face has been replaced by a spoon. And most advertisers would prefer to use celebrities to shill their products these days. But have you ever thought about what would happen if some of the best-loved advertising characters were replaced by Hollywood stars? We have. The top ten female product advertising icons and the actresses the casting agents could choose to replace them, after the jump. [Jezebel]

Were Salma Hayek And Penelope Cruz High As Kites While Filming D.O.A. Comedy Caper?

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Kim Kardashian Is A "Fat Bitch" Who "Thinks It's OK To Wear A Bikini"

It's time for Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. What is wrong with these gossip bloggers, anyway? Were they all abused as children? Do they talk about their mothers and sisters this way? How can they nonchalantly pick on women, and their bodies, day after day and still have souls? [Or readers? The majority of their pageviews come from young women! -Ed.] So many questions, not a lot of answers. And tomorrow is International Women's Day. Females have been fighting for justice and equality for decades; yet oppression and denigration still exists. This week in the blogs, pregnant still=fat. A person "wishes" an eating disorder on another person. And Lindsay Lohan's belly is under the microscope. The offenders and their sentences, after the jump. Let the Jezebel justice system begin! [Jezebel]

Ashton Kutcher 30th Birthday Hepatitis ScareWatch: Madonna, Gwyneth, Salma, Kate At Risk!

Mid-February must be Hepatitis A season, as nearly a year-to-the-day from the Wolfgang Puck scare that made rubber surgical gloves and gas masks the accessories of choice at awards season soirées comes another potentially devastating celebrity contagion. Ashton Kutcher celebrated his 30th birthday [ed. note: Again?] two weeks ago at a club in New York, but it's only just now surfaced that a waitress working there at the time was infected with the jaundicing disease, putting such luminaries in attendance as Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow (and, to a lesser urgent-extent, Molly Sims and Rachel Zoe) at risk. Star magazine reports: More »

Viewers Stubbornly Refusing To Abandon Writerless Leno

· For at least their first three nights back on the air, the writerless Jay Leno has triumphed over WGA-sanctioned rival David Letterman in the Nielsen wars. In another sign that the TV apocalypse may finally be upon us, shows like Wife Swap, Supernanny, The Biggest Loser, and Celebrity Apprentice are so far either posting the same numbers as or outperforming the scripted shows they've replaced for their networks. [Variety] More »

Catching Up With Some Amply Endowed Celebrities

· Either Adam Sandler's next movie is about the Geico Caveman they call Hung Like Woolly Mammoth, or we have a whole new appreciation for the actor. Either way, he has our attention. More »

Vince Vaughn Rides Bike In Venice

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted a close-to-bursting Salma Hayek giggling at herself in a Beatles musical. More »

Michael Cera's Inability To Take Direction Is Seth Rogen's Career Windfall

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Annals Of Well-Executed Celebrity Endorsements: Salma Hayek's Breasts For Campari

While many advertising campaigns allow themselves to fall into the trap of complicating their pricey, well-produced web shorts with frills like plot and dialogue just because they've landed some A-list endorsement talent, Campari's online "Hotel Campari" effort deserves credit for the elegant simplicity with which it delivers its message: "Famous ladies with big tits love our booze." More »

Trade Round-Up: Salma Hayek To Wear Multiple Hats

· MGM has teamed up with Salma Hayek for Ventanazul, a production label dedicated to Latin-themed and staffed productions. Hayek will be overseeing operations, with MGM COO Rick Sands explaining, "To the extent that it makes sense for her to act, she'll do that; to the extent that it makes sense for her to produce, she'll do that." He then added, "To the extent that it makes sense for her to do a round of P.R. in an extremely low-cut, tight-fitting top, she'll do that, too." [Variety] More »

Short Ends: Salma, Dakota, Anna Nicole, And Jamie

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Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Jack Black And Kyle Gass Cause Giant Potholes On Los Feliz Sidewalk

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week (well, most weeks)—so send them in like your lives depended on it. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world know about the time a Borat screening at the Grove afforded you a front row seat to a "before and after" David Hasselhoff experience. More »

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Luke Wilson Four Bud Lights Short Of A Six-Pack

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Kiefer Sutherland lingering for an uncomfortably long time in the deli meats section of your local market. More »

Brett Ratner Impresses Famous Chicks With His Handiwork

Before he discovered that America would surge to the multiplexes in Memorial Day weekend record numbers to see how many cars he could blow up in a movie about mutants (answer: too many to count, as evildoing genetic freaks seem to have a nasty grudge against the automotive industry), X-Men: The Last Stand director Brett Ratner risked a grisly gutting by the replica Wolverine claws of disappointed fanboys by taking in public screenings at the Chinese Theatre on Thursday and Friday night. At the midnight Thursday showing, Ratner wisely brought some muscle, as a high-level Defamer operative shares this story: More »

Famous Hispanic People Withholding Comments On Immigration Controversy

Because it is vitally important to gauge Hollywood's reaction to any political matter making national headlines, it's about time that the media stepped forward to find out what celebrities with last names ending in "z" or who have ever played a character or sung a song calling for properly rolled r's thinks about the proposed legislation to make undocumented immigrants felons. Rush & Molloy celebrate Salma Hayek, "the only big star of Hispanic ancestry to speak out" on the matter, then takes a roll-call of the suspiciously quiet Latino stars: More »

Short Ends: Tom And Katie Publicly, Uncomfortably Osculate

OK, the announcements and the virginity talk were one thing, but the kissing in public? Now you're just waving this ridiculous charade in our faces like an impotent flasher's floppy junk. Excuse us while we figure out a way to press our naked eyeballs onto the burners on the electric stove. More »

Short Ends: Salma Hayek In A John Kerry Mask Swabbing A Floor

· Hey, free Botox! But you've got to bring a friend who's willing to pay full price. That's OK, getting paralyzing toxins injected into one's face is an inherently social activity. More »

Tabloids Speak The International Language

We don't know a lick of Spanish, but somehow the latest edition of ¡Mira! really, really spoke to us. Not even the disapproving stare of the woman at the cash register could prevent us from making our first-ever supermarket tabloid purchase. More »

Gawker stalker

· "I was having dinner last night (Tuesday, 22nd) for my friend's birthday at Il Buco and Edward Norton (sans Salma) was having dinner with a group of 5 at another table. His hair has gotten longer, I don't think he's had it cut since the Oscars..." More »

Gossip roundup

· A few celebrities walked out when the band played "God Bless America" at Miramax's Oscar pre-party. [Page Six] More »

Gossip roundup

· Roman Polanski's chances of returning to the U.S. may be jeopardized by A.E. Hotchner's Vanity Fair article, which quotes Lewis Lapham as saying that Polanski was trying to pick up women at Elaine's barely a month after Sharon Tate's murder. [Page Six] More »