· Thank God for the newest and much-needed technological breakthrough. Welcome to Friendster-style group-text-messaging for lazy bar-hoppers: it's Dodgeball, baby.
· Those Republican social events we "couldn't find" for our to-do lists? Here they are. Knock yourselves out.
· Why's newlywed Beck so happy? It's all thanks to the soothing rituals of a Scientologist wedding.
· And, of course, tonight is the debut of The Swan, in which a team of plastic surgeons take three months to remake 17 "average" women into beauty contestants; the show culminates in a deadly-serious pageant, and hopefully a series of catfights. Yay America! Yay Fox! I'm so proud of all of us right now.

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