Henry the Intern is working on a degree in media studies and for his sins he must watch Topic A with Tina Brown every Sunday night to write a show report. I felt obliged to watch as well and tell it as I saw it but I missed the first half. It was quite frankly insufferable but here are my quick thoughts: Writer/Vogue TV critic Joan Juliet Buck made me think I was watching a Saturday Night Live sketch with Dianne Wiest as the host. In a discussion of the movie Troy Tina asked the editor s roundtable, What if they fought in the nude? and Buck nearly fell out of her chair with a resounding YES! not unlike Madeline Kahn's Empress Nympho character in History of the World: Part 1. Perhaps the most interesting tidbit was a between segment graphic that read: Tom Byron is the most prolific actor with over 2000 appearances in pornography movies. Presumably, IN THE NUDE! Read on for Henry s much more intelligent analysis.

In this week's "Topic A," the A stands for Tina's admiration of Senator John McCain. The theme began with Tina's posturing of a Kerry-McCain ticket. Tina: "[Kerry] hasn't really come out swinging, he has kept his head down mostly. . . What kind of game do you think he is playing?" William Weld, former Republican governor of Massachusetts, disagreed: "I don't think he is playing a game." Lionel Barber, of The Financial Times, outlined Kerry's options and concluded it was best to stay in the shadows. After Weld opined, "McCain is my kind of crazy," James Fallows, of The Atlantic Monthly, undermined the speculation: "In general, [the running mate] matters less than it seems."

For intermission, Tina's interview with Irshad Manji turned into a monologue by the author of The Trouble with Islam. Manji: "This supremacy complex [of Islam] is dangerous. . . [they have] no clue how to debate, define, revise, and reform." Tina brought up the beheading of Nick Berg: "Where does this vain of dark, dark cruelty come from?" Manji said the Koran allows for death as revenge for murder. "Therefore, the Koran gives those permission to punish those who represent the perpetrators," she said. "Nick Berg was a perfect target." On the subject of the war, Manji said, "I have always supported the coalition invasion of Iraq. . . as a liberal, I could not reconcile calling myself anti-war" while allowing Saddam Hussein to remain in power. Tina batted her eyes: "I admire your courage."

The focus was on "Troy" and McCain during the editor's desk roundtable. James "fearless" Cramer thought "Troy" was "not a great movie, not bad." Brad Pitt "thinks he is taking Schenectady, not Troy." Cramer thought Eric Bana's Hector "needs a personal trainer; he's got nothing, no abs, no chest, nothing." Writer Joan Juliet Buck complained "Troy" wasn't "grandiose enough," it's about "your basic dysfunctional family." She liked the skirts though: "If they're wearing togas, I want them to be talking to the gods." Tina asked what if they were naked? Buck jumped, "That would have been fabulous!" Screenwriter Steven Schiff said, "We who toil in these fields, look at the success in 'Gladiator'" because "we want to put period costumes on people." In other words, the toilers want men in skirts. The Washington Post's Style editor Eugene Robinson (who hired Tina for a weekly column) said he had the tastes of a 13-year-old boy: "I care if a lot of people get killed." Tina summed up "Troy" as "a sprawling shield and tunic flick."

Tina's quick question for the tease: Who is a moral leader? Cramer picked McCain (Ding! Ding!), Schiff picked Ralph Nader, Robinson picked a whistle blower in the Iraq prison scandal, and Buck intellectualized: "Either you're moral, or you're a leader." Tina is either excited or dying for viewers to stay tuned: "This should be a hot conversation." Emphasis on hot.

Tina asked if McCain has become the moral leader of the nation. Robinson: "McCain is a politican; I'm not sure those two terms co-exist." Cramer sized up his bling: "He's not owned. . . I don't think he is owned by anybody." Schiff was uncomfortable: "I question the idea there is a morality and some people serve it and some people don't." Buck said she has been waiting for two years: "I haven't seen anyone who has taken by breath away." Not even Colin Powell? "He's not a preacher," said Robinson. Buck threw up her hands: "You want a God! Apollo, Tina!" What about the morality of Bonnie Fuller? "Tabloids provide an incredible service to the people" at checkout lines, said Buck. "It's like candy. . . candy to keep us sedated." And we all know the taste of that candy.

Hot picks of the week: Cramer said of How Israel Lost: "I hated this book, but i think you have to read it." Buck recommended Persepolis, "the Iranian Maus." Schiff choose pianist Nelson Freire and Robinson picked Van Lear Rose. Tina said The Art of the Steal was an "extremely entertaining, dishy account" of Sotheby's, especially because it exposes Judy Taubman's talent of peeling a peach with her fingers. "Lord knows what else she could do," Tina read.

The end quote by Norman Mailer—"Every moment of one's existence, one is growing into more or retreating into less"—is missing its last sentence: "One is always living a little more or dying a little bit." Yes, with another dry installment of "Topic A," I am indeed an hour closer to death. Actually, an hour and a half closer; I had started to watch the re-airing.

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