Okay. I'm back. Believe it: I missed you more than you missed me. Have you ever gone 10 days without TV or internet? Trust me: it suuuucks. And I can't believe I was gone on the week that Page Six smacked down Lloyd Grove.

Things I did not do on my vacation last week: quit smoking, lose that last 10 pounds, find inner peace, or "better" myself in any way. I did, however — too much information approaching — learn about nude beaches and sunburn, and let's just leave it at that.

Thanks to Mr. Andrew Krucoff for filling in in my absence. On a personal level, I'd like to thank him for the little flurry of emails waiting for me that contain the phrases "libel" and "reckless." Schmuck.