1. After five heartbreaking years and millions of dollars, Jerry Seinfeld has finally completed his life's work: a five-car garage on the Upper West Side.
2. What heartless French bastard stole NYT film critic A.O. Scott's laptop? And you wouldn't believe how much we'd pay to get our hands on it. You know you wanna see what kind of porn lurks in his browser history.
3. From Us Weekly's forthcoming review of The Day After Tomorrow: "Global warming has never looked so cool!"
4. How much money does Sarah Jessica need?