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"And right over there is where Fox is setting up the 'Pin the Tail on the Gipper' booth, and over there will be the coffin-shaped porta-pottys draped in the American flag, with urinal cakes in the shape of Reagan's head."

As far we can tell, the Orange Menace has not relented. We have failed in our mission. Garfield: The Movie will be released today as planned, as our deceased former President is finally laid to rest.