Sunday is the annual Puerto Rican Day Parade — and we all know the only thing worse than the Ricans is that gay march thingey later in the month. (For a species of prissy hair-gel-loving neatfreaks, the gays can really trash the place). But now, all over town, white people are battening down the hatches for Sunday, reports our Special Correspondent on Municipal White Privilege:

I rode on the bus from 86th street down to 65th street today and in front of all the big apartment buildings HUGE barricades are being put up to protect the hedges, flowers and even the trees. You can see this with every single building! They are obviously expecting the worst on Sunday. Not too welcoming, and I'm sure all the residents have left town.

Indeed. And you too can catch the Whitebread Express, AKA the 5:30 Hamptons Jitney, if you hurry up to 40th Street right now.