The Three Saddest Words In Hollywood: Tori Spelling Marries

Men of Hollywood, despair. Your hopes for a famous bride with a jaw-dropping dowry and eye-poppingly creepy cleavage have been dashed upon the rocks of temporary, celebrity matrimony. Tori Spelling is finally and officially off the market, as married actor/playwright Charlie Shanian (not pictured on left, we think) on Saturday. As Spelling-obsessed stepsister site Gawker pointed out some time ago, the couple is registered at Tiffany. Why not stroll over to their registry and play one of our favorite party games, "Which of these items wouldn't fit in the expanse separating Tori's tits?"