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Every word in this exclusive News of the World interview with Jason Alexander, Britney's husband of approximately fifteen vodka-drenched minutes in Las Vegas, is gold. We feel we'd be doing the world a disservice if we did much more than chip off a piece of this ingot describing their quickie marriage and send you on your way. Remember: the sex wasn't cheap. She's saving the cheap stuff for Kevin Federline.

"Afterwards I led her back into the bedroom. At first she was on top of me and then I was on top. We did it every way you could. But it wasn't cheap. I really cared about her and it felt right.

"At times she was noisy. She didn't call me any names, she just moaned. We didn't use any precautions either."