Party Crasher: Target Opening

Last night Target threw open the doors at its new Brooklyn outpost, with a common goal: to show us the definition of "they'd go to the opening of an envelope." Our staff photographer, Eliot Shepard, was there.

Starring: Maxim employees, Chloe Sevigny, Daily Candy staffers, Sandra Bernhard, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Eek the Geek (AKA the awesome tattooed guy from Coney Island), the voluptuous horror of Kembra Pfahler, the very real horror of Lizzie Grubman, P. Diddy's Vote or Die shirt (die! die!), hipster band Dopo Yume, the Target dog and its big balls, and more hipsters than you could drop a dirty bomb on — though you could try!

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

As one attendee, pictured below, put it:

I use the terms "this is surreal" and "I hate hipsters" and "there's no way this could be happening" every day but then last night at Target it became clear that all the other times I said it and didn't mean it it was just practice for this singularly bizarre event.

Three news outlets interviewed me because I was accidentally wearing my 'defend brooklyn' shirt which is about police brutality but aparently it was read as an anti-gentrification statement despite the fact that I was buying discount catfood at an invite-only target night and so many levels of irony were torn through that I think I just came out a happy consumer. Men in red eyeshadow and girls with Robert Smith hair — they've never been to Atlantic Center! I'm not fooled — and doing shots of tequila? That's not going to work out in the end. And then what I was more ashamed of myself was how sad I was that in two weeks, once this joint is open to masses of brooklyn trash who make Pathmark unusable, I will never again be able to admire the rows and rows of blue greeting cards and purchase them with matching envelopes or peruse the aisles of Gatorade without witnessing parents beat their children in the middle and the dirty sick part of me just wants Target to stay exactly like it was last night.

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening

Party Crasher: Target Opening