Lohan? Red string bracelet? It really pains us to say it, but Kabbalah is back, resurrected by Lindsay's white-hott fashion choices. Expect the Kabbalah Centre to be stormed by an ecumenical mob of fourteen-year-old girls in red string bracelets and forty-year-old men in sweatpants who completely ignore the aging pop megastar with the creepy, veiny biceps at the front of the room.
Bonus! What's inside Lindsay's purse:
—bottle of magic, cancer-curing, immortality-granting Kabbalah Water
—back-up supply of red string bracelets, should one snag, keeping exposure to the "evil eye" at an absolute minimum
—picture of Madonna, used for disposal of chewing gum when trash receptacle is unavailable
—one sample-size tube of Bloussant