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The Superficial has a couple of sets of photos of Paris Hilton's mystery bruises, which the NY Post reports she suffered at the hands of recently dumped boy-bander Nick Carter. Only Paris, Nick, a possible roomful of bystanders, and whatever minor demon to whom Carter signed over his pretty soul for brief fame really know what happened. We'd just like to note that the little patch on her ass (birth control, we're assured) was a brilliant distraction from the unsightly bruises. A lesser celebutante would have spackled on some concealer and walled herself inside the mansion until she healed.

Related: Un-Beaten Paris Hilton Works the Bridgehampton Polo Club