New York and LA have had premieres this week of downtown uber-hipster-film-maker-Republican Vincent Gallo's blowjob-endurance flick "The Brown Bunny." The reviews are in — of Gallo's exposed man-business, at least. Reports after the jump, to protect your tattered dignity. I mean really, is Vinnie's meat baton something you need to read about?

Oh, shut up, of course it is.

Says our local movie spy:


Pretentious, self indulgent, ridiculously boring... At the same time beautiful, sad, haunting, verrry special. Vincent's cock is fabulous; thick, meaty, nice upward curve. definitely bossy during the act. Chloe (after smoking crack in the bathroom wearing a terrible outfit made by Vincent) makes weird cooing noises while he pushes her face up down on it. After he comes in her mouth, he says "you fucking whore, you fucking asshole, I hate you so much." If that's not good cinema, I don't know what is.

Yeah — I don't know what is either.

And from the screening in LA:


Vincent Gallo has a big thick penis. I know this because I saw "The Brown Bunny" last night. Who's full of envy right now that I got to see this notorious bit of film history? Anyone? [...]

...the audience? Me and the publicist. She had a whole list of people who had RSVP'd for the screening and I was the only one who showed up.

They sure better hope that Gallo-unit pics don't hit the internet — that would rapidly deplete their potential audience of curious gays.
Brown Bunny Screening: A Critic, A Publicist, Gallo's Penis [Defamer]