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We're hearing some whispers regarding the educational fate of stick figurines Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, so we're going to go ahead and purely speculate for a moment: have our little girls dropped out of NYU? And, if so, why? Was the stress of being chaffeured to and from campus far too great? Perhaps their individualized programs of study actually required them to, like, study, and the responsibility interfered with their Nobu reservations?

We actually tried to do some "journalism" and called the Olsen's agent, at which point we were served the icy "no comment" card by a frightened assistant. We're guessing we'd get the same response from their publicist, but we're already exhausted from making that first call.