Short Ends: Letterman Bitchslaps Leno

—Now that Leno's announced he's stepping down in five years, Letterman applies the long-awaited bitchslaps. Jeez, still a little bitter about never getting the Tonight Show, Dave?
—Natalie Portman stumps for Kerry in Milwaukee, No, we're not going to say anything snarky about her.
—Actress Sienna Guillory holds forth on Kate Beckinsale's chest: "Now I've heard she's got a clause in her contract saying that she can't be filmed bending over at more than a 45-degree angle because her boob implants slide up onto her collar bone." Naturally, Beckinsale's publicist denies the implants. Possible translation: a) Beckinsale has huge implants, or b) the contract actually stipulates a 35-degree angle.
We're officially serving notice that anyone trick-or-treating in a Santa Claus costume may get punched in the mouth. And not in a sexual way. [via LA.comfidential]