The past few days have really made me think (that is, when they haven't made me drink) and, I've realized, New York is just too damn liberal. How can I be expected to function in a state that can't even vote for the right President? I need to get the hell out of here and head someplace safe, where I needn't be exposed to the threat of homosexuals expressing their undying, lubed-up love. That's right: I'm going to Texas tonight for a three-day weekend of presidential reverie. I'm even bringing my LES-issued cowboy boots to help me fit in on the Bush ranch.
So I won't be here tomorrow (try to contain yourselves). You'll be left in the capable hands of my esteemed BFF, Matt Haber, who co-edits low culture with Jean-Paul Tremblay. Matt is best known for being fired from both the Village Voice and Best Week Ever within the same three-month period. Which is exactly why he's here. Be nice to him, he's fragile and low on medication.
Okay, that's all from me. I'll return to you on Monday, like it or not. Toodles, kiss kiss!