Good morning. Allow us to introduce you to Jonathan Cheban, who is, um, nobody, technically speaking, but has made a quasi-name for himself as the friend of such luminaries as Mischa Barton, the Olsens, and Lindsay Lohan. What does being a celebufriend entail? Take, for instance, a night at Marquee with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie:

"That fucking bitch!" Nicole screamed a bit later, pointing 10 feet away to a strapping blonde wearing jeans and dark, "intellectual" eye glasses. The woman was irate, convinced that the best friends were trying to oust her from her table. "You are not taking my fucking table!" she yelled. Mr. Cheban put his arm protectively around Nicole.
"I want her out of here immediately!" Nicole shouted. The blonde held her arms up in the air in a "bring it on" kind of way. Paris reached into an ice bucket passing by and, cackling, launched some cubes at her. "You re the fucking ugliest bitch ever!" Paris screamed. Mr. Cheban doesn t mind when he has to play bouncer for his chums.

Remember the name: Jonathan Cheban, the latest New Yorker worthy of your hatred.
The Art Of The Schmooze [Observer]