Brett Ratner And Robert Evans: Their Love Still Smolders

The Corsair blog dutifully transcribes the minutes from the latest meeting of the Robert Evans and Brett Ratner Mutual Admiration Society. Fittingly, this new chapter in the unlikely love affair between the superannuated producer and überhack director unfolds in the pages of Interview magazine, the print media's only pure medium where celebrities can get together for orgies of admiring rimjobs, salad tossings, and mutual masturbation. In this excerpt, it's hard to tell if Evans is about to faint from the force of his own self-love, or if he can hold on long enough to be overwhelmed by Ratner's unabashed brown-nosing.

Robert Evans: How many times have we looked at The Kid Stays in the Picture? I was proud of that, by the way, as I am of anything I've done, because you can laugh and cry within an hour and 40 minutes. It's an original.

Brett Ratner: The first time I saw that movie was the first time Ali (McGraw), your ex-wife, saw it. I sat next to her, and it was so moving for me to watch her watch that movie because she was crying seeing you talk about her the way you were. It was so emotional because you really did it in such an elegant way."

And then the duo collapsed into a sweaty heap, with Ratner watching his mentor's chest gently rise and fall, so enraptured by the gentle sound of the older man's breathing that not even his gruff order to "Get me a goddamn Kleenex, boy," could pull him out of the moment.