Elizabeth Taylor DeathWatch Begins

We've heard that at least one network has put its affiliates on notice that Elizabeth Taylor is on her deathbed, giving them the heads-up that those creepy, sepia-toned special reports may soon be coming through. Let the major media deathwatch begin. Ghouls, all of them!

[Ed. note—We strongly discourage our readers from using this information for personal gain on the death pool circuit. Besides, the smart money's always on Andy Dick.]