Last night, we cut the rusty chains that bind us to this computer to attend the Celebrity Dodgeball Tournament at the Palladium, a benefit for the Elizabeth Glazer Pediatric AIDS Foundation (and sponsored by Fox to celebrate yesterday's DVD release of their promotionally-convenient film concerning red balls and the triumph of the underdog).
Before the celebrities took to the makeshift dodgeball arena (which raised the excitement level by affording spectators many opportunities to be hit with errant throws), "civilian" teams consisting of agents, entertainment lawyers, and anyone else willing to pony up the $1,000-$2,500 fee battled it out in their own tournament. Say what you will about agents and lawyers, but put a couple of balls in their hands, and they quickly summon the kind of bloodlust they'd usually reserve for normal working hours. We were genuinely interested in their competition's outcome...until we discovered the open bar.
We'll spare you the play-by-play of the night's main celebrity tournament, the details of which were made fuzzy by our overzealous consumption of free burritos and vodka drinks. Instead, we present this brief photo essay to give you a taste of the holistic dodgeball tourney experience.
Ben Stiller, always willing to pitch in to promote his movies, arrived early at the arena to help hang dozens of DodgeBall signs.
Some competitors found that a quick session of Double Dutch got their blood flowing, while gawking spectators enjoyed the fruits of their warm-up technique.
The intimidating physiques of Team Mean Machine (starring wrestler Goldberg) were not enough to prevent a shocking second-round loss to the cast of The Young and the Restless, a team comprised entirely of soap opera actors. Yes, really.
Ben Stiller, the biggest star in the room by a quantum leap (depending on the level of your Meatloaf fandom, of course), risks being bombarded with reality show contestants' headshots by leaving his safe perch above the crowd. Stiller did not play dodgeball.
The members of Good Charlotte have many tattoos.
We offer our congratulations to Meatloaf and "The Ballers" for their victory over a bruising squad of MTV's favorite Real World and Road Rules cast members. Also, we lament the fact that we remained courtside too long to partake of the event's goody bags. Next time we're bolting before the semifinals.