Star Jones: We Certainly Can Wait

We know we often trumpet the dangers of reading actual books, but we're going to make an exception for an upcoming tome by the one and only Star Jones. Yes, our favorite website-owner and bridal beast is going to help women everywhere learn to find love. A sampling of the unintentionally-hilarious press release:

In order to truly find love, one must love themselves completely. In You Can Wait! Star Jones presents a guide to getting yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually prepared for your soul mate. Told from her unique female Christian perspective, Star shows how finding your lifelong mate depends on how much you love yourself, and whether you are ready to accept God s promise of a blissful union between woman and man. By completing ourselves, we can better accept the love of another.

God, like a soul mate can ONLY be between a man and a woman? It's 2005, Star, wake up and stop being so closed-minded and overtly-hetero. But wait, there's more:

The book is divided into three main sections, with each exploring the core issues that will determine whether you are ready for true love. Part One will focus on the physical, and discuss problems with weight loss, financial security, and making yourself more attractive to yourself - and thus to him. Part Two will ask tough questions about your mental preparedness, including a look at past relationships, previous mistakes, and your wants and desires. Part Three will delve into your spiritual life, and focuses on strengthening your relationship with God, dating as a Christian, and enjoying the experience. By patiently examining these fundamental questions that all women wrestle with, You Can Wait! will help women better understand and love themselves.

We're not going to make a joke about bariatric surgery, being blessed for escaping the tsunami, or relationships with God based on wedding-for-profit. Nope, not even going there.