Come on, people. We know that most of the Northeast is under piles and piles of snow, but that's no excuse not to send your Paris Hilton/Saturday Night Live ideas.
The writers are working right now, and they need your help!
If you're stumped, do like the real writers do: think recurring characters. Paris meets Debbie Downer (D.D.: "People blew up in a car bombing in Baghdad the day after the president's inauguration." P.H.: "That's hot."); Paris meets David "Zinger" Clinger (D.C.: "I saw your show 'The Simple Life': That title couldn't be more true. Ziiiing!" P.H.: "That's hot." ); etc.
After the jump, some early entries in Operation Hilton Ha-Ha.
· Paris Hilton appears on an episode of Celebrity Fear Factor, where she is asked to complete unbelievably difficult tasks (for her), like make a collect phone call, set a VCR, do her own laundry, operate a video camera (with night vision), and pay a utility bill online.
· Paris wakes up one morning and is shocked to find that she is in a bed in a tacky hotel room. Dumbfounded, she wanders around the room, muttering things like "I thought I was done filming 'The Simple Life" , etc. She finally picks up the USA Today that was shoved under her door and reads the address label. Instead of saying "Paris Hilton," the paper is addressed to "Omaha Super 8." [cue "Twilight Zone" music] Paris is trapped in an alternate reality where she is the heiress to the Super 8 fortune.
She wanders around the hotel and people keep asking "how was your stay, Ms. Super 8?", "Hey, Omaha! Lookin' good!" etc. and Paris is continually getting more confused and more upset. She goes back to her room and gets a call from the front desk saying that her entourage has arrived and she's gleeful, saying "Thank god! Tara and Lindsey won't believe what weird stuff's been going on!" There is a knock at her door and instead of her usual A-list entourage, it is a gaggle of girls in tapered pants and large bangs, one who is the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, another who is an anchor at the Omaha Fox News affiliate, etc. They invite her to a big party that's going on at the local Chili's and Paris freaks out, wakes up in her own bed in Bev Hills and says "thank god it was all a dream!" She looks above her bed and finds a framed piece of bad hotel art (sailboats or country meadow, etc.) and then exclaims "... or was it?"
· Paris Hilton as Anna Nicole Smith. This would most likely be a typical SNL skit, where the premise is kind of funny, but the execution in writing the actual skit is underwhelming. She could just flail around and make nonlinear statements, not much of a stretch. Call me crazy, but I'm fairly certain Paris Hilton is capable of doing a fine Anna nicole impression.
· Paris Hilton replaces Dan Anchor as CBS' prime time news anchor. "So, like, hey America. I'm like totally Paris Hilton and this is so the news for today." Hmm, almost funny. Basically, it's Paris anchoring Weekend Update, but with the requisite jabs at CBS News. Let's see her try to pronounce words like tsunami, coup d'etat, junta, retaliatory strike, and in. "So, um, like here's Nicole with the weather, and Ashlee Simpson's got the sports later. Okay, guys?"
· The two humor-impaired, skinny blonds show up for a lip synching contest judged by Ashlee Simpson's father.