· Jessica Simpson s himbo Nick Lachey hits on resident NYDN gossip hottie, Jo Piazza and forces his digits upon her and her best friend. D'oh! [R&M]

· "I was once getting a gynecological exam [there] and the doctor said, 'I've written a script,'" says Sigourney Weaver. How come we never get offered freelance gigs when people are checking our box? [Lowdown]

· Russell Crowe says what we re all thinking: I mean, Robert De Niro's advertising American Express. Gee whiz, it's not the first time he's disappointed me. It's been happening for a while now." [Page Six]

· Kevin Federline talks about his marriage to Britney Spears with Access Hollywood terrier Billy Bush, and describes himself as "easy, laid back and nice." Hey, that sounds just like us! Well, the first one anyway. [Page Six]

Lindsay Lohan and Samaire Armstrong caught sharing a bathroom stall in a New Orleans bar. Yeah, we bet there was a line, girls. [R&M]

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