Robert Evans Brakes For Himself

Breaking! Robert Evans gets out of bed!

At the Polo Lounge in L.A. yesterday, humorist Fran Lebowitz sat outside at a rain-soaked table so she could smoke as Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter, who's quit puffing, had lunch with his documentary subject, producer Robert Evans. Evans was later seen getting into his SUV, which bore the bumper sticker "I BRAKE FOR ROBERT EVANS" ...

Let's for a moment ignore the fact that an automobile bearing the bumper sticker "I BRAKE FOR ROBERT EVANS" and driven by Robert Evans would theoretically be caught in a perpetual braking cycle that would render the car permanently inert. We've got more important questions to ponder: When Evans leaves his legendary sanctuary, does a body double wearing his pajamas fill the impression he's left in the bed to warm them until he returns? Who makes sure that Brett Ratner doesn't pee in the jacuzzi? And does Evans' SUV contain an emergency waterbed so that if an aspiring actress from 1976 is deposited in his path by time machine, he can properly service her while whispering promises that he's "gonna make her a stah"? Maybe he can address these questions during his next radio show.