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After completing a rigorous apprenticeship learning the most arcane of the pirate-hunting arts at the feet of master Jack Valenti, MPAA chief Dan Glickman has finally gained the power over life and death. We congratulate Glickman on mastering the complicated voodoo charm that resulted in his first long-distance kill; after all, it takes weeks of stirring the blood of an albino orphan to get the consistency for the pentagram-drawing paint just right. A lesser pirate-hunter would've paid someone in the Aryan Brotherhood with a carton of Marlboro Reds and a copy of Swank to snuff the guy with a pillow, but not Glickman. He's got appreciation for craft.