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They are Hollywood's comedy cartel, the actors, writers, and producers that can walk into any studio in town and get a greenlight from a pitch with the simple formula "[Hot comedic actor] is a [wacky or offbeat occupation]" (examples: Will Ferrell as anchorman/NASCAR driver/beach volleyball player, Ben Stiller as dodgeball player/Starsky, etc). The implications are chilling: You'd better enjoy the goofy chemistry between Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, find Stiller's constipated Everyman rage as hilarious as ever, or learn to love the sight of Ferrell slathered in cocoa butter, because that's all you're going to get for the next three to five years.

The Sunday New York Times revealed the testicle clamp that this collection of "smart-dumb" comedic talent has on the junk of the movie business, but somehow neglected to dub the gang with a cute nickname, so we'll handle it. Genuflect before the New Gay Mafia. You know, the cheerful. mirthful kind of gay, not the flavor of gay that stripped Michael Ovitz of his power and silently rules the town with a velvet glove. Whatever. You're still going to have to blow them if you want to get a comedy made.