Your guesses arrived in a timely fashion, were immediately forwarded to an independent blind-item accounting firm in Bangalore for tabulation, and are now ready for your reading pleasure. Before moving on, sit on One Cheap-Ass Blind Vice until it pops like a balloon in a fetish video:
Ted sez: "Regardless, gotta take a breather here on the heavy-breathing Vices—this one's all about the green. Nina, whose friends are far more rich than she is (actually, that's one of the bigger scams going round town right now), is developing quite the rep for her miserly clubgoing ways." Read the item.
You say:Your guesses are after the jump.
You say: It was close this week, but you evaluated Tara Reid's finances, bar-going tendencies, and potential for future entertainment-related employment and strongly suspected that she's the lousy tipper in question. Nice work, Bloodhound Gang, but what are we to make of her development deal at Fox, which we understand was printed on the back of a 10 million dollar bill? Sounds like she might have enough money to pound Red Bull and Jagermeister cocktails like they're a popular drink that will quickly make you feel the effects of the alcohol contained in them. Hmm?
You say: We're going to have to call second place a tie between Paris Hilton (multimillionaire hotel heiress/entrepreneur/model/actress/homebrew porn mogul) and Lindsay Lohan (whom we think cleared $40 million last year, but don't remember where we read it). Aren't they both filthy with money? We even heard that Lohan insisted that the hospital bed she slept in during an "exhaustion" time-out be constructed of gold bricks. We have four little words for y'all, y'all: Ted's Seed of Doubt™, double-whammy style.
You say: A handful mentioned Bijou Phillips, but we're going to heartily disagree for fear that she will strike us with that purse of hers, which we've heard contains a five-pound kettlebell for maximum blunt force impact. We love you, Beej!
And The Andy Dick Memorial "You Also Say" Item Goes To: This is perhaps our favorite entry in the And Dick memorial category to date: "Nancy Reagan. (1) Saw her stiff the waiter at the Jonathan last week; (2) She doesn't have the bucks to run with George and Babs, Billy Graham, Queen E, Osama et al.; (3) It's lonely without Ronnie, and that Rummy is TOO cute; (4) why else would she be name-dropped by Ted?"
Thanks to everyone for playing!