NYPost's Battle of the Unctuous Hipsters

Unretouched Post captions: Left, "Joe Praino say he texts 'amazing revelations' to his ex-girlfriend." Right, "Williamsburg Warriors Siri Wilson and Eve Sibley flash 'W' hand signs to demonstrate their allegiance to the hipster 'hood."

Okay, the world's ending in 60 seconds. Who do you bludgeon first?
Texting Under the Influence [NYPost via ToTC]
On the Waterfront [NYPost via Curbed]