Anthony Haden-Guest Wears Size XL

Browsing Black Book, as one is wont to do when lunching at Schillers, our eyes are drawn to a line in the table of contents: "Anthony Haden-Guest attends an orgy." Quick as can be, we're on page 106, reading "Sex and the the New New York Scene":

A Spanish woman was taking on all comers. She grabbed one fellow's member as he approached, like a trout taking a fly, and began giving him an energetic blowjob. She snuffed and snorted and and seemed well content, then opened her legs and pointed preemptorily. It was an.... order!

He prepared to enter. "You have no condom!" she snapped... He went back to the main room and sought out Palagia, who provided the necessary.

Word had got around that there was a customer for the XL when he returned to the bedroom. A woman weighed his equipment as though checking out vegetables in a produce store.

Anthony, man, wouldn't it be easier just to write in the first person?
(Photo of Haden-Guest by Eliot Shepard from yesterday's Jonathan Ames Party Crash.)