Seventh Seal Finally Opened: Tom Cruise Makes Katie Holmes His Love Slave

That last, tiny, untainted piece of our Hollywood-singed hearts died when this press release from Extra, which seems to gleefully shit its pants with EXCLUSIVE exuberance, landed in our inbox moments ago:

“EXTRA” EXCLUSIVE -
WORLD EXCLUSIVE
“EXTRA” BREAKS THE NEWS THAT TOM CRUISE IS DATING ACTRESS KATIE HOLMES
(Los Angeles, April 27, 2005) - Lee Anne DeVette, sister and publicist to Tom Cruise, has confirmed” with “Extra” that Cruise is dating actress Katie Holmes. Lee Anne is in Italy with both Tom and Katie, where Tom is scheduled to receive an award at the David di Donatello Awards this Friday. The couple, who have been dating for a few weeks, will visit with the President of Italy tomorrow.

We just hope that all of the agents and publicists involved can still look themselves in the mirror tomorrow, somehow making peace with what they've wrought. Why must they always take the good ones before their time?

UPDATE: Amazing how fast these publicists work, huh? Let the feeding frenzy begin.