We asked for your emails. Some answers were funny, some answers were retarded — and we can say that because we're retarded — and some were downright creepy (dude, you could just pad the walls of a subway car, drive it right into an insane asylum, and it'd work out well for about 60% of the people in there), and the rest of the captions were potshots at gays. But since we're still sorting through all the gayte mail we got for the Men's Vogue post, we omitted most of them. They go through enough crap as it is (no pun intended). So, on that note, your winner is...Sean Marier!

"FIRST NICOLE, THEN PENELOPE, AND NOW KATIE...BUT HE'LL BE BACK."

After the jump are the Honorable Mentions and a bunch of unproductive people who are going to have some explaining to do to the Boss Man. —NH

"The money is on the sink"
—Enzo J. Siri

The Wall Street Journal: Fart in the tub like a true gentleman.
—James Wight

Anderson Cooper reports from the field.
—Michael Rovner

"Calgon, take me to Chelsea!"
—Sean Marier

The Wall Street Journal: Razors and Percocet not included.
—Noah Powell

Make the WSJ part of your pre-"man date" routine
—Sean Donohue

Let the middle-class do the dirty work.
—Matt Sullivan

The Wall Street Journal: Like getting drunk while
taking a bath.
—Angelo Young

The woman under the water subscribes - do you?
—Ben Dutts

98 Degrees with Anderson Cooper
—Gabriel Cooper
(That's cheap Gabriel, but we re giving it to you anyway.)

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