L.A. Finally Getting Another Carson

We had a feeling that the recent outbreak of freeway shootings was just God's funny little way of softening us up for an event far more chilling than a bunch of gangbangers randomly firing bullets at unsuspecting drivers: Carson Daly's Last Call is coming to LA for sweeps. After we got over the initial shock that Daly does, in fact, have his own television show (who knew?), we quickly formulated a plan for coping with his imminent arrival. It's time to finally speed along the inevitable, detonate explosives along a fault line, and set the city adrift in the Pacific. Fortuitously, the place where the explosives will have maximum impact and help us achieve optimal coastal separation is six inches below Ryan Seacrest's star on the Walk of Fame. See, we told you God was behind this.