Pat O'Brien Survives Dr. Phil's Tough Love

After breaking the news that Dr. Phil would have sit-down with a recently rehabbed Pat O'Brien, we felt somewhat obligated to actually watch the show. And? Even though Dr. Phil roughed up O'Brien for a while, there were no tears, no burly man-hugs, no Dr. Phil putting on steel-toed boots and kicking in O'Brien's grill until he promised he'd never take another drink. The show did have its moments, though, which are lovingly transcribed at Dr. Phil's website:

Pat: Everybody has a bottom. And I hit my bottom that horrible weekend in New York. Do I remember most of it? No. And that's where the bottom is. It was a weekend of fun, I thought, a weekend of drinking, which turned into a little bit of craziness.

Dr. Phil: This ended badly with you being on the cover of every tabloid and many of the newspapers in the country, so it was more than a little bit of craziness.

Pat: Right.

Dr. Phil: You go to a restaurant, you and your girlfriend, and you encounter this other woman ... So you're drinking and doing coke?

Pat: Small amount of coke, a lot of alcohol.

Dr. Phil: A small amount of coke is like being sort of pregnant.

Pat: It is a horrible, horrible drug.

We believe that the correct answer would be "Cocaine is a hell of a drug," but we're not going to quibble too much, since the good doctor did cut off O'Brien before he could claim that he only blasted coke up one nostril, and it wasn't the good shit anyway. In any event, O'Brien is appearing on Dr. Phil's show today and will return to his post on The Insider tonight, leaving the world to twiddle its thumbs until the inevitable, highly-entertaining relapse. Fingers crossed for a disputed credit-card charge at a shady Koreatown massage parlor!