Pat OBrien Televised RedemptionWatch: The Final Chapter

In what we hope will be the final installment in our tracking of Pat O'Brien's publicist-orchestrated, constantly-televised march from coked-up, horny-voicemailing boozehound to temporarily dry, Dr.Phil-approved, redeemed tabloid-TV host, a little gossipy squirrel told us that O'Brien will open his triumphant return to The Insider tonight with the words, "I'm Pat O'Brien and I'm an alcoholic." Once viewers have been properly prepared for having their living rooms converted into O'Brien's one-man AA meeting, O'Brien will then complete the transformation by reciting the Serenity Prayer. We're sure it will all be incredibly heart-warming, America will forgive him for getting caught wanting to party with hookers and blow, and O'Brien will finally return to the important work of pretending to enjoy himself while accompanying Gwyneth Paltrow on a trip to have her poodle groomed in Beverly Hills.

We're not even going to TiVo this one.