· Mariah Carey is getting a much-needed makeover from none other than Vogue messiah Andre Leon Talley. If he can make Mariah lose the skanky adjectives, we'll convert to the house of Vogue. [Page Six]
· Bad news for gays, good news for me: Star Wars star Hayden Christensen is totally straight. Bad news for me: He was spotted making out with Eva Longoria. [Lowdown]
· It's the PR Bitchfest of our dreams: After losing an employee to Ronn [sic] Torossian, Lizzie Grubman chains her staff of remaining power girls to their desks. [Page Six]
· Talk-show lesbian Ellen DeGeneres comes out as a survivor of child abuse. For once, she has no quirky-cute joke to accompany this revelation, and we respect her for it. [R&M]

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