Tom Cruise Wants To Cure Brooke's Baby Blues!

Such is the current state of Tom Cruise's relentless PR blitz that we're almost relieved that he's pausing from his non-stop, suspiciously effusive praise of partner Katie Holmes to prattle on about Scientology. On Access Hollywood this Thursday, Cruise will analyze, in highly scientific fashion, how the medical profession failed Brooke Shields during her post-partum depression:

Cruise, who zealously preaches the Church of Scientology's hatred of all mind-altering drugs, tells Bush: "Here is a woman, and I care about Brooke Shields because I think she is an incredibly talented woman. You look at, where has her career gone?" [...]

"When you talk about postpartum, you can take people today, women, and what you do is you use vitamins. There is a hormonal thing that is going on, scientifically, you can prove that. But when you talk about emotional, chemical imbalances in people, there is no science behind that. You can use vitamins to help a woman through those things."

Yes, we've always been vaguely troubled at the lack of science behind "chemical imbalances," but we're glad that there are vitamins (and, no doubt, a $1,000 course in "How the Pharmaceutical Industry Wants To Poison You and Your Baby" and three sessions on the e-meter) to heal a new mother should she get "emotional" after childbirth. Things in Tom Terrifictown should return to lavish Holmes-worship when he appears on Oprah later today (we're atingle with anticipation), because you don't come into O's house and slap Brooke around.