We're not mind-readers, so we can't pretend to have even the slightest idea what was going through their heads when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got together with photographer Steven Klein and decided the best thing for everyone would be a SIXTY PAGE PHOTO SPREAD in the July issue of W. The photo spread features Brangelina as a 1960s married couple, complete with three rented kids, a suburban spread, and, if you're lucky, some Kenyan jungle sex.
Okay, but back to the SIXTY fucking pages — are these 60 pages of Jolie and Pitt's pure, unfettered foreplay? Or are we talking 60 pages, 40 of which are ads? Probably the latter; we find it hard to believe that even W could justify 60 full pages of this sort of hyper-stylized, celebrity-sponsored emotional abortion.
Meanwhile, we urge all of US Weekly and Star's editors to get cracking — this advance notice should allow for the creation of some innovative twists on those forthcoming "Jennifer Aniston Is Sad" stories.