So. AIDS in South Africa, genocide in Sudan, and Tom Cruise is now engaged to Katie Holmes. The mind reels, doesn't it? Even jaded souls such as ours can't quite comprehend why this sort of trainwreck is considered good publicity — so we turned to our favorite trainwreck expert, PR princess Lizzie Grubman, for analysis:
Gawker: Can you please explain, from your professional perspective, what the hell is going on with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?
Grubman: The fact that they just got engaged is just so over the top. I mean, it's sooo freaky.
Gawker: Does most of America fall for this shit? Ugh.
Grubman: They do!
Gawker: But why?! Why is this tragedy happening?
Grubman: Basically, what he's doing is appealing to the MTV audience. He's getting older, and she's young...our little Joey from Dawson's Creek... She gives him a whole new fan base.
Gawker: Why would she agree to this?
Grubman: Why wouldn't she? For Katie, it's all about exposure.
Grubman: Within weeks on their announcement, she has become a full-blown superstar.
Gawker: But in a good way? Or is it all the same? I mean, for example, I saw Batman Begins last night, and because of all this crap, I couldn't stand to watch her on screen.
Grubman: But she's got covers of magazines, appearances on Letterman instead of Carson and Kimmel....
Gawker: Are they completely clueless to as to how insane they look?
Grubman: She has sold out. She has nothing to lose.
Grubman: He, on the other hand, looks crazy. But as I said before, he's appealing to a younger fan base.
Gawker: Yeah, what's up with him? What's [his publicist/sister] thinking?
Grubman: As for his sister, his new PR girl... Well, Tom's not listening to anyone. He makes the rules.
Gawker: Right, but don't younger fans see him as a crackpot?
Grubman: No, they don't. And I definitely think they will 100% get married.
Gawker: Gross. Do you think that they'll sleep in separate beds?
Grubman: No, I think they will have hot passionate sex.
Gawker: You are one sick lady.