Events You Aren't Invited To: Patrick Whitesell's Malibu Wedding Extravaganza

The wedding website celebrating the Hollywood-flavored nuptials of Endeavor superagent Patrick Whitesell and Fox super...something Lauren Sanchez is a mere shell of its former incarnation, but the buzz around the reportedly $2 million event has the unfashionably uninvited (like us and everyone we know) questioning where their sad lives went tragically wrong. From Radar:

The guest list so far includes Whitesell clients Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and Jessica Alba; former carousing buddies Mike DeLuca and manager Rick Yorn; directors Steven Spielberg and Brett Ratner; and L.A.’s skirt-chasing chairman emeritus Robert Evans. “I know people who are planning their summer vacations around this wedding,” says a source close to the couple. “There’s this neurotic buzz in the air, like, if you’re not invited to this then you’re nobody.” [...]
"This kind of attention to a non-celebrity wedding is unprecedented,” notes one observer. “I’ve never seen people so desperate to be invited in my life. I just got off the phone with a friend who called it The Academy Awards of weddings. She said she has to go so she can sell her script.”

Sure, the ad hoc pitch meeting taking place while everyone ignores the happy couple's first dance as man and wife (to a carefully chosen and poignant Maroon 5 song, no doubt) should be hot, but that's nothing compared to the main event, which will make the sterling silver champagne bucket you bought from their Tiffany registry totally worth it. Eschewing the traditional (but inescapably cheesy) tradition of tossing the garter, Whitesell will instead turn his back to the crowd and heave albatross client Ben Affleck over his shoulder, forcing the agent unlucky enough to be crushed by the actor's airborne body to "poach" him from the delighted groom. We hear the cake will also be good.