· This one's a serious candidate for Headline of the Year. The story's not bad, either.
· Lohan spotted near books, reading declared "over."
· Robert Redford's face: from slack as a shar-pei's scrotum to tight as a drum in just five years.
· We always thought MJ would be sued over a vicious genital mutilation by Bubbles before some mundane dog bite.
· "Unit #836B3-Z4-delta-9KEC5: Jew ar to nize. I tought jew were so guud in Teaching Mrs. Tingle." Tom Cruise takes Katie Holmes to meet his former business partner.