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Man-about-Michael's Simon Dumenco kicks of his new Advertising Age column today with a list of all the ethical policies he'll be following as "Media Guy." The weird thing is, we're pretty sure he stole these rules from us.

• On product placements and freebies: "My policy regarding Jacques Torres chocolate, Gillette M3Power razors, Calvin Klein underwear (boxers, 32-inch) and Funyons: is to wait and see what happens now that I've mentioned them."
• On celebrity couples: "My coverage of the coverage of Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt together with my coverage of the coverage of Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes shall amount to, on average, no more than 85% of this column during any given quarter."
• On conflicts of interest: "My policy is to acknowledge that I know way too many people in this business, to admit that I'm hopelessly conflicted and to make fun of all of the above companies — except for Primedia, which is the most retarded media company ever in the history of the world, and everybody knows it's not nice to make fun of the 'differently abled.'"

Finally, a difference: We have no problem making fun of the retarded.

(Oh, and one other. If you're paying attention, Calvin, we like our boxers in a 34.)

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