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Yes. We know. Your friend's friend's friend just got back from L.A., where he/she heard the following juicy details:

• A famous actor, who we're not going to name because he likes to sue people who accuse him of what in the next paragraph we'll accuse him of, and his recently obtained fianc e, with whom he is very, very, very much in love, have a five-year contract regarding this relationship, and she is to be paid $8 million for fulfilling her end of the contract.

• The deal was arranged and the engagement announced in a very short period of time because the wife of a certain, and rather adorable, pop singer found her husband in bed with the abovementioned unnamed actor, and said actor wanted to have this new news out as soon as possible so as to overshadow any new rumors about his sexuality.

We've received at least 6,298 forwards of this email in the last few days. We can't imagine it's true, for a lot of reasons including the unlikelihood that so many of your friends just back from L.A., or friends who work for Universal, or friends who work near the green room at Today, all tell exactly the same story.

If it turns out it is true, we'll let you know. Meantime, we'd like it if you could stop filling our inbox with this message, please. We're having a tough time keeping tabs on our cheap mortgage offers.

Thank you.