Natalie Portman Raises Threat Level to Orange

A Newsweek interview with actress Natalie Portman reveals how truly safe we are from the threat of terrorism:

You shaved your head for the film. How's that working for you?
It's totally fine. But I got pulled over at the tunnel the other night in New York. I've never had that happen to me before. It's supposedly random. They pulled me over at the Midtown Tunnel. My registration was expired because I had been out of town, and it was my first day back. I'd been in Israel and Berlin for the [movie] shooting. They wouldn't let me go in. But he said to take the bridge instead. And I didn't understand that logic. If you're a suspect, don't take the tunnel take the bridge?

Thank God for the Department of Homeland Security and their vigilant eye on the militant starlet waif terrorists. May we sacrifice every bridge to keep our tunnels safe from such a deadly threat.

The Last Word: Natalie Portman [Newsweek]