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• Kirstie Alley and Kelly Preston compare Ritalin to cocaine and heroin. We'd agree on the former, which is why we're such huge fans, but heroin? That's unfair. [Page Six]
• And the Worst Pet Husband Ever award goes to J.Lo's love, Marc Anthony, who submitted a witty "Fuck you" scrawled on paper as an illustration for a charity drive. [Lowdown]
• Even celebrity children's books need ghostwriters. Allegedly, Madonna's Kabbalah friendly kids' books were actually written by the Centre's Eitan Yardeni. Fair enough — who has the time, really, to write 300 words or less? Besides us, we mean. [Page Six]
• An HBO documentary about Yankee legend Mickey Mantle will feature his mistress, Greer Johnson. Somewhere in the Bronx, an old man weeps. [Gatecrasher]
• We're really ready for Jeanette Walls to return to her Scoop column, if only so will take down that annoying TomKat photo. [Scoop]