You know how you or someone you know moves to the suburbs because, ultimately, they can't afford the absolute financial bullshittery of living in a city where it costs $20 just to leave your 200-sq-ft studio apartment? Pity the metropolitan ex-pat, however, who dares move to a suburb that's actually a bit fun, because real estate's enfant terrible, Barbara Corcoran, is about to rape and pillage those quietly cool enclaves.
Having divided and conquered Manhattan and other sophisticated urban environments into Gordian real estate hells, Corcoran is extending her evil reach to the suburbs with her American's Sexiest Suburbs. (If it all weren't so horrifying, we'd snicker.) She'll bring her Susan Powter-esque enthusiasm to tomorrow's episode of The View, where she'll announce her latest targets. Thus far we can only find Coral Gables on the list (our condolences to South Florida), but we're praying that she leaves the tri-state area alone. Come the housing apocalypse, Montclair might be our only chance for survival.