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Because we know you're dying to hear about it, a spy reports on last night's look-we're-not-dead-yet party for Reader's Digest:

I actually did go to the Reader's Digest 1000th issue party last night, and, aside from filling the space with young, relatively hip 20-somethings — i.e., people who have never opened a Reader's Digest, other than by accident — the buzz of the evening centered around Maggie Gyllenhaal and Christian Slater's impromptu DJ sets. Slater, who had clearly dusted off his Pump Up the Volume skillz, selected a healthy dose of Rolling Stones and Talking Heads classics, while Gyllenhaal went with mostly G'N'R and Beck. If there had been actual RD subscribers there, most would have surely perished by Sweet Child O' Mine.

But that's not saying much. If there had been actual RD subscribers there, of course a few would have died before the night was over. That's just the actuarial tables.

Earlier: Tonight We're Gonna Party Like It's 1949!