Michael Bay Searches For Answers

Confronted with a world that suddenly lacks meaning, a world in which A Michael Bay Film meets with anything less than resounding success, the celebrated fauxteur scrambles for reasons why The Island bombed so resoundingly this weekend:

"It's a debacle, it's my worst opening weekend ever," Bay said. [...]
Bay bemoaned that the movie had low awareness. Even before it opened, he had sharp words for the marketing campaign, complaining in a Times interview that the effort wasn't generating interest and that a poster made costar Scarlett Johansson look like "a porn star." [...]
Bay cited other possible factors for the movie, which stars Ewan McGregor and Johannson [sic] as clones.
"It could be the subject matter, the lack of stars," he said. "I'm not blaming the whole thing on the marketers." [...]
"Everyone from [Steven] Spielberg to [Robert] Zemeckis to [Stanley] Kubrick — they've all had big flops," he said. "I was five for five. You know it's going to happen."
"It hurts," Bay added. "It's always the director's fault."

Now that Bay's very publicly worked through all of the stages of Classical Flop Acceptance—the Blaming of the Marketing Campaign, the Lashing Out at the One-Sheet, the Accusing Your Actors of Not Being Big Enough Starts to Open a Movie, the Insane Self-Comparison to Award-Winning Directors, and, finally, the Turning Blame Inward to Grudgingly Accept Responsibility as a Function of Inevitability—he's going to be just fine. By the time he finishes his therapeutic afternoon Ferrari flipping, he'll have forgotten all about the pain and moved on to his next project with a clear head.