Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


There was apparently some important play going on here, but an intern brought Corona and we stopped watching.

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Gawkville nine that day, but we couldn't care less. Last night, the satirical writers behind The Onion (who, much to our pleasure, were far more pasty than we expected) dared to drag your beloved Gawker Media to the field, where we squared off in a post-rainstorm battle of balls. The Onion brought the bat, but make no mistake: Team Gawker brought the A-game, rounding out four innings with a healthy lead, 13-9. As the sun dipped below the horizon and things grew increasingly dark, it was time to call it a game — until, that is, the Onion whined their way into an extra twilight inning. Knowing damn well it was too dark for our LCD-trained eyes, we let them score an extra few runs so as to end the game on a tie. We couldn't help it — those Onion imps were just so pitiable. If we'd spanked 'em straight up, they may very well have offed themselves at the end of the night.

After the jump, Gawker pornographer Nikola Tamindzic and intern Scott Kidder document the least special Special Olympics event ever.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball

Our team t-shirts don't lie. Or so we'd like to think, so don't ruin it for us.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


But seriously, he writes really funny headlines.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Gawker Media pitcher Jim Cooke naturally throws like a girl. A bearded girl.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


We didn't have the heart to tell him that there wasn't even a ball in play at that moment.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Smiling at the pitcher, unfortunately, did not help Gawker co-editor Jessica Coen to hit the ball or, moreover, contribute anything whatsoever to the game.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Sploid secret weapon Scott Ross demonstrates the lunge method for achieving the perfect bikini butt.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Oddjack editor A.J. Daulerio's time in the outfield lends itself to prepping for his big date with Kerri Strug.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Gridskipper editor Chris Mohney (far right) does his best to conceal his hatred for Intern Scott and overlord Nick Denton, who refuse to show team spirit.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Seconds later, Intern Neel's bat came crashing down on the skull of some Onion player who couldn't control his big mouth.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Gawker cap'n Will Leitch believes he's actually a bunny.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Gawker co-editor Jesse Oxfeld wipes his Katie-Holmes-Mouth-juice all over Coen's beer.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


She hasn't rolled around with a ball like this since Tuesday!

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


"Another inning? You're fucking kidding."

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


The fifth and final inning, played after sunset.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Company mascot Andrew Krucoff doesn't understand why he's always picked last for teams.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Jesse Oxfeld is clean and happy, because he spent the entire game on the sidelines with his favorite set of pom poms.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


We'd write a caption for this, but A.J. Daulerio might go all homicidal gorilla on us.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Post-game, Team Onion breathes a sigh of relief. They've finished another day, lunch money intact.

Battle of the Titans: Gawker vs. Onion Softball


Gawker Media sets a company record, having more than 3 employees outside and away from the computer at a single time.