Win A "Date" With A "Virgin"

Not even eBay, haven for the gray market exchange of items that may or may not have touched celebrities, is immune from the ideas of movie marketing visionaries, who've decided that "Hey, the kids love the online auctions, don't they?" and seemingly offered the virginity of a 40 year-old virgin to the highest bidder:

Hi! Believe it or not, our pal Andy has never had sex. Weird, right? Well, actually, weirder than you think, because Andy is 40 years old. So naturally, we're in a hurry to help him remedy the situation. So far we've tried speed-dating, drunk-dating, blind-dating, and Andy still hasn’t done "it." We figure the internet is our last, and only, hope.

THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN:

The lucky winner will receive a night out with Andy. Dinner, movie, conversation…and possibly the chance for something more? Who knows. Help this great guy realize a lifelong dream, and fulfill your own secret fantasy in the process!

Alas, savvy citizens of the internets, there will be no "date," and barring some bizarre turn of events, you will not find yourself grudgingly administering a handjob to an in-character Steve Carrell after a night of awkward silences just to relieve him of his "technical" virginity. The auction is for a pair of tickets to the premiere at the ArcLight, airfare and hotel accommodations not included. What cockteases!