Hollywood Trial Of The Century: The Aftermath: Ovitz Reacts!

We'll leave the dry analysis of what yesterday's Disney victory in the Hollywood Trial of the Century means for corporate governance and executive compensation to people with "real jobs" who "understand what happened." We're satisfied to focus on the semi-human reaction to the landmark decision, as delivered in a heartfelt statement read by the lawyer of the trial's central figure:

[Former superagent Michael] Ovitz, while on a boating vacation in the Mediterranean with his family, said through his lawyer that he was relieved by the decision. "Obviously, I'm pleased that the chancellor found the allegations against me to be completely groundless," he said. "I'm looking forward to putting this behind me and moving ahead with my life."

We can almost see Ovitz on the deck of his yacht, a satellite phone to his ear, dictating to his lawyer as he looks out over the placid sea. "You think it's a good idea if we put something in about how fucking happy I am that I get to keep the whole hundred million or whatever it was? No? That's too smug? OK, then let's cut the part where I brag to the shareholders about how this boat runs on hundred-dollar bills, and it gets shitty mileage."